FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize