You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
