I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
