I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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