i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
