Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
