You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just found a bag of teeth...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
