I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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