How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
