im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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