i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize