I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
