ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
