Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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