Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
