Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
