You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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