There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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