I bet he comes in French.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
