Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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