so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize