Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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