and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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