It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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