Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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