Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
me + whiskey = a bad person
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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