mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
