Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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