New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
