I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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