I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
