4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
"it" just moved
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
