Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
