She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
