right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
