i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize