he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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