I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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