I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
