i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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