We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
