During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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