jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That accounts for only three of the penises
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
