What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
