Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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