Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
