whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
