I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
