So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
