My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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