it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
