apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
pray to the hookup gods
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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