I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
