I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize