she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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