90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize