I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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