I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
