he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
