Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
