so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
