i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
