I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
