So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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