my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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