I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
