i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
