Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize