u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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