my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i will never coherently bang her
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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