Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
