Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
