you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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