i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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