I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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