I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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