it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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