How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
