Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize