Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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