My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
