he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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