okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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