is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
