No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
