Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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