hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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