i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize