what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
