i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
