remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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