So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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