im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
