I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
