When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
