I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
