i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
