at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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