I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
