I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
