Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
