dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
