Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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