Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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