Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
