Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize