Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
